Life is full of choices. You've got to decide what's up and if you want it to be like that. But just deciding you're not happy with what's up doesn't mean anything will change. I can be content with my surroundings.

I told someone I was lonely. I told someone I was going insane. I told someone I didn't know what to do with life. But things change. It doesn't mean I'm depressed. I'm not. I just not happy with what the nothingness of life has become.

It's going around, you know. The secrets out. Maybe it's just the rumor of the day. I'm graduating early, you know. I guess since people are talking about it, I might as well go with it. And I am seriously considering it. There isn't much left at high school for me. I guess I'm hoping there will be more for me beyond that. It's funny that me, of all people, is thinking of getting out early. I don't want to deal with the real world. I don't want to get out there any more than you do. I don't like being old, but since I have to be, I'm taking it and running. I am going to be out there.

I miss jazz. Not jazz band, really.. but jazz and what it could mean to me and what it use to mean to me. I do miss jazz band when it was good. When I was a freshman and I went to 3 o'clock and the people were nice and encouraged me to play. I miss gigging. I miss the thrill. I miss the last concert of last year that we never had. I miss those bad jokes.