I went to restoration ecology today and ripped up invasive plants and planted acorns. I came home. I felt so sick and restless and just bad. I couldn't really do anything. My mind was racing but also blurry. So I got in bed and stayed there for hours. Even now I still feel conflicted. I don't know what to do right now or tonight, but I need something.

The reason I do this is not because I am that bored and have time on my hands. I am creating something here. I am so damn commited to this. When I come home tired and worn, long after the 1 am curfew, I don't go to sleep. I sit down and I write. I guess I've been slightly insane since these "best times of my life" high school days started.

Today Graham turns 17. Yay! Graham is a great guy. He's been my friend through a lot of stuff. I met him in the sixth grade and he still rocks.

I guess I am going to help Emily paint. She is taking over Ben's old room. Maybe now I'll be able to go in it.

I got voice mail at 5:20 this morning. I checked it expecting it to be some line noise and a hang up. But it was Becca. She made it to D.C. or wherever she was going.. but wow, she got there at 5 am. I'm glad she is alive.

when I can't think of how to say what I am thinking in a way that would make it sound more like something I think you would want to hear and be cool with I just don't say anything.

I feel dumb after that short phone conversation. ugh.